


Scared

by atlasthend



Category: Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: Anal Sex, Because It Just Makes Me Very Sad, Because Wow Crying, How Do I Tag, I Was Just Really Sad Writing This, M/M, Nellis, Nick Should Not Be Crying, Nick is Kind of OOC, No but Plot Too I Promise, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Rough Sex, Sad, Sex Just Sex, Smut, Zombies, just read it okay, lots of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 00:28:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2712314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlasthend/pseuds/atlasthend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically just Nick and Ellis' journey through the apocalypse together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scared

**Author's Note:**

> So for some reason I got the words "I ain't scared to admit I'm scared" stuck in my head. I decided it was something Ellis might say and then sat down to write. This was the result.

Ellis' back hit the wall with a loud _smack!_ that had Rochelle flinching. 

The news reporter watched as Nick pressed his arm into the delicate flesh of Ellis' throat, glaring daggers at the younger man with green eyes cold and hard as ice. 

"What did you just say?"

Ellis was silent, so Nick pressed down hard on his neck, leaning in so he was right up in the mechanic's face, all the while that arm was cutting off his air. Ellis opened his mouth to breathe and Nick pulled back a little to offer him a smirk while the kid tried to fill his lungs with the oxygen they weren't getting, looking like a fish out of water. His eyes grew wide and wet and he began to struggle, but still, Nick held him there, that triumphant smirk of his only growing wider. 

And that was when Rochelle stepped up and put a hand on Nick's shoulder. She tried to make her voice come out strong, but her bottom lip quivered as she spoke. "You leave him alone, Nick."

She thought he would turn to bully her next, but at least Ellis would be okay.

The conman let go of the hick immediately. 

But he didn't say anything to her. He took one look at her, on the verge of tears, and stalked out of the room, leaving the man he'd just pinned against the wall a heaving mess on the floor of the house they were taking refuge in for the night. 

Ellis coughed and sputtered, gasping for breath. Despite his coughing, he scrambled on the floor for his hat, which he'd lost when Nick finally let him go and he fell. 

Rochelle dropped down next to him in the floor, holding the blue and white cap out to him.

He took it eagerly, giving her a grunt to say his thanks as he screwed it back onto the top of his head. 

 

They'd lost Coach on the roller coaster at Whispering Oaks Amusement Park. 

Nick had been the one to come upon him first, had barely managed to hold in his vomit at the sight of the older black man, ripped open by a hunter's claws, his guts strewn over the tracks, almost like decorative ribbons torn down and strewn about after a birthday party. The metaphor was a cruel one that left Nick closing his eyes and wanting to give up right then and there for a brief moment. But he shook his head to clear it. All he could do was keep running. 

Rochelle'd been with Ellis when they passed their fallen friend. 

The kid had barely been able to keep it together himself, much less keep her running at his side. He had to shield her from it, push her forward when her legs almost gave out, her small form wracked with sobs. 

And as soon as the three of them had all made it to the safe room, Rochelle had broken down, crying as Ellis held her close. They stayed huddled together that way all night long while Nick sat with his knees pulled to his chest, the white jacket of his suit serving as a makeshift blanket. Concealed beneath the jacket, he held his magnum, his index curled round the trigger for no reason other than because it made him feel better, _safer_.

Ellis had wanted to pull the conman into their huddle of warmth that night, had known how truly frightened the older man was. He'd seen him shivering, eyes darting around wildly, constantly searching out any threats, flinching at any little sound, from Ellis slightly repositioning himself so he could keep a better hold on Rochelle, to the girl's quiet sobs into his chest while she slept, to the sound of the dead, meandering about outside. It looked like Nick hadn't grasped that while they were immune, they were far from invulnerable. Not until Coach, at least. 

Perhaps it was that -that blatant refusal of finding comfort in closeness with others- which drew Ellis to Nick like a moth to a flame, captivated by his appearance, what Ellis considered to be strong, brave, and independent, but oblivious to how damaging and deadly the northerner truly was and how truly fragile and naïve _he_ was for venturing ever closer to that light. And perhaps the only reason Nick reached out to Ellis was because neither of them were allowed to even think of Rochelle like she was attainable when Coach had been alive. To touch her in any way that wasn't completely innocent now was an insult to his memory. 

Still, they didn't start fooling around until the night when Ellis walked in on Nick jerking off. 

The older man had immediately ceased in the lazy tugs he'd been giving his cock, about to pull the comforter up to cover himself and throw something at the hick's head, yell at him to knock before barging in on somebody, but something in Ellis' eyes had stopped him. 

Ellis approached the bed, eyes calculating, expression blank and unreadable. Nick couldn't tell what he was thinking. 

And then the brunette had taken a seat beside him on the bed. 

_Oh god, here we go_ , Nick'd thought, attempting to mentally prepare himself for the good ol' boy's speech about " _masturbation bein' a sin 'n all._ " 

He hadn't expected Ellis to reach out and take his cock in hand, giving it a few long strokes before he leaned down and took him between those loose, pliant lips of his that never seemed to shut up. 

_Well_ now _the guy was sure quiet._

Nick had arched up from the bed, barely able to stifle a moan as Ellis took him in deep, warm throat working around the shaft of his rapidly-growing erection. 

" _Shit, Ellis_ ," Nick hissed through gritted teeth. 

Ellis pulled off of Nick's cock with a wet pop, glancing up at the conman with hooded eyes. That mouth - _that Mouth_ \- opened slowly, a tongue darting out of it as Ellis moistened his lips hastily, " _Yer lonely, ain't ya, Nick?_ "

Nick didn't have time to reply before the hick was hauling himself up on the bed and working himself between the conman's legs. And that mouth had returned before Nick even had a chance to protest. Not like he would've though. 

That night he came with Ellis' name on his tongue and his cock down the guy's throat. 

And he'd watched Ellis, hard cock straining against the fly of his pants, unbutton and unzip them after Nick had tucked himself back into his slacks. He'd watched the other man take his own cock in hand and give himself a few swift jerks before Ellis let out a groan and climaxed, trying his best not to get his cum on Nick's sheets. 

And ever since then, any night that either of them felt listless or lonely or just plain horny, they'd fuck.

Ellis got used to Nick's brutal thrusts, the way the head of his cock usually wound up wedged against his prostate and rammed straight into it over and over again almost unrelentingly until Ellis came untouched and the clenching of his ass sent Nick over the edge as well, the conman filling him up with seed. That was the part Ellis never really got used to, but he grew to eventually bear with the strange sensation of Nick's cum smearing between his cheeks and dripping from his fucked-out hole, making his inner thighs sticky as he got up to wet a washcloth and clean himself. But Nick never came unless he was buried deep in the hick. Ellis came to understand that. 

 

It was a few months after they first had sex when Ellis told Nick he loved him. 

They'd been having particularly hard, animalistic sex and Nick had been admiring the way Ellis' sweat-slick skin glistened in the moonlight pooling in from the open window near the bed they were currently breaking in. This one didn't squeak and the headboard didn't bang up against the wall even with Nick's brutal fucking, so they'd been good to keep this up for a few hours now without having to worry about waking Rochelle in the next room over. Not that she wouldn't notice how sleep-deprived the both of them would be tomorrow. Still, they were content to keep going though Ellis had already cum three times and Nick was pushing his third orgasm himself. 

He had Ellis beneath him, draped over the younger man's back as he reached around to Ellis' sensitive cock and gave it a few hard jerks for good measure, loving the way Ellis clenched around him with every harsh, torturous stroke. The mechanic was panting, making sounds that were music to Nick's ears and begging him to stop, he couldn't cum anymore, it hurt. 

Nick buried his teeth in the younger man's shoulder and Ellis barely contained a loud yell. 

" _Oh gawd, Nick, I love you_ ," he moaned brokenly instead, and a small trickle of cum dripped from the slit in the head of his cock and down over Nick's already wet fingertips, leaving the hick completely empty. 

Nick stopped everything with Ellis' words, but Ellis' hole spasmed around his cock, practically milking out his release. 

When it was all over, Nick pulled out and abruptly got up off of the bed and found his clothes. Ellis watched him get dressed, unsure of what he'd done or said wrong to warrant such a reaction from the gambler. Every other time they'd made love, they'd laid in bed just breathing hard and staring up at the ceiling, no words exchanged between them, until both of them fell asleep. Nick was... He was leaving tonight. He looked upset. Something was wrong. 

"What'd I do wrong, Nick?" Ellis asked hesitantly. 

The dark-haired man didn't even look at him, merely focused on buttoning his blue dress shirt, "Nothing."

Ellis' eyes trailed over the hard set of those shoulders; having to look at Nick's back when he said that... "Nothing" wasn't what it suggested. 

"Nick, look at me."

"No."

Ellis stood, pulling the blanket around his hips with one hand and reaching out to grip Nick's shoulder with the other, "Nick, will you jus' loo-"

Nick glared at him, murder in his eyes... along with tears. 

"Nick, are you- are you _cryin'_?!" 

"Don't touch me, you hillbilly faggot!" Nick turned back around and stalked toward the door, slinging the jacket of his suit up over his shoulder as he did. "I'm leaving. For good."

Ellis watched him walk out that door and closed his eyes, feeling tears well up in them. 

_Good lord, he felt like shit._

 

After that, it was like they'd never touched in a way that wasn't tentative and team-mately. Ellis didn't have the guts to call him out on it and ask him why, but they both coped with it, and it was about as awkward as one can expect when you were sharing ammo with the man who you once shared a bed with. Guiltily, Ellis was kind of grateful for the apocalypse. Because if they didn't need each other for survival, Ellis was sure Nick would've left him and Rochelle in a heartbeat. 

Rochelle had never known about what he and Nick did behind closed doors and Ellis was sure Nick would want it to stay that way, and so he didn't say anything. But he couldn't stop her from noticing the longing looks he occasionally gave the conman, the way Nick didn't look at him even as he dressed one of the hick's wounds, the tension between the two of them so thick that you could practically cut it with a knife. Still, Ro didn't speak out on it, even though Ellis knew that she'd realized there was _something_ between them. 

 

The chopper was supposed to be picking them up. So far, the three of them had crossed the bridge without a hitch, all working as a team to make it through the hoards of the undead that stood between them and sanctuary. They'd even taken down a tank at one point, something they'd managed to avoid since Coach's death until now, certain that without that fourth gun, they'd never be able to take down something so massive. 

After that, they didn't stop running until they saw the chopper. And their spirits soared at the sight of it. 

_Stupid. They'd been stupid to stop and admire it._

Another tank came out of nowhere, its roar just as deafening as the whir of those helicopter blades swirling ahead of them. It plucked Rochelle up from the ground with no more force than you'd exert to pluck a flower. And then it flung her onto the ground a few yards away. Her head cracked against the hard pavement and she lay still and unmoving. 

Ellis tried to run for her, screaming her name at the top of his lungs, but Nick caught the back of his shirt and started hauling him back toward the chopper. 

" _You listen to me, you dumbass, you can't save her! She's gone, Ellis!_ " Those were the first real words Nick had said to him since that night so long ago. 

 

Their helicopter was shot down before it'd even reached the first checkpoint.

Nick went on to later form a theory that scavengers had heard about the rescue and were sure they'd get some supplies out of it. Luckily, both Nick and Ellis made it out of the wreckage before whoever had shot them down could get to them first. 

Nick couldn't say if whoever it was had damned them or saved them because he and Ellis later learned that CEDA had been conducting experiments on people like him and Ellis, the immune - _carriers_ , they'd been called- as a way to try and find a cure for the virus. 

He and Ellis ran themselves ragged nearly every day, scavenging for supplies and looking for safe places to lay their heads at night. They still hadn't really spoken since Rochelle's death, even though they only had each other to keep company now.

 

It was on a night like any other, Ellis sitting up and keeping watch while Nick lay there, trying to get to sleep in the silence of their safe room, when the gambler got up from where he'd lay on the cold, hard, concrete floor and walked over to where Ellis was standing watch. 

Ellis didn't say a word, barely even breathing as Nick looked at him. 

The conman reached out and got a fistful of his shirt and Ellis tried to prepare himself for the punch to the face he was almost sure he was about to receive, certain that Nick had finally lost his marbles or just needed someone to take his anger out on. 

Except the blow never came. Instead, Nick hauled him forward and crushed their mouths together in a bruising kiss, shoving his tongue into Ellis' mouth. Ellis melted against him, dropping the shotgun he'd been holding on the floor beside him as Nick grinded his hardening cock against the mechanic's hip. 

The dark-haired man flipped him, rutting against his ass roughly as he bit into the back of Ellis' neck, burying his nose into that mess of brown hair and breathing in the heady scent of the other man. Ellis moaned, squeezing his eyes shut as he pushed his ass back greedily into Nick's thrusts. 

And then Nick was pulling back from him, but that was okay because Ellis could hear him, fumbling with the belt of his slacks before a zipper was pulled down and then Nick was reaching around him to untie the sleeves of his coveralls from around his waist and pushing those down along with his boxers. 

And then Nick's cock was pressed against the rim of his hole, threatening to enter him and Ellis groaned, not caring that it would hurt if Nick entered him dry, not caring that he wasn't sure why Nick had even decided to finally start having sex with him again. He craved the contact any way that he could get it, no matter the consequences and questions involved. 

Nick fucked into him and Ellis howled, but Nick didn't hesitate when he pulled back out and rammed straight into the hick again, over and over until blood was mixed with his pre-cum and the wet slaps of his own fucking only seemed to make him even more rough with the Georgian. 

But Ellis didn't mind, he'd already cum before Nick was anywhere near being close to his climax. He'd missed how much it hurt and how good it felt to feel something other than the sadness or fear or just the pain without the pleasure that Nick was now supplying him.

Nick spilled inside him, letting out a grunt through his clenched teeth. 

Ellis' skin was covered in sweat and his breathing was ragged and harsh and he expected Nick to pull out of him and just go back to where he'd been laying before without another word to him. 

He hadn't _ever_ expected to feel wet droplets against the back of his neck. 

He didn't even realize Nick was crying until he let out a choked sob, curling his arms more firmly around Ellis' waist and hugging him close. 

"I told myself I wasn't gonna get attached to you, Overalls. But the truth is, after losing Coach and Ro and hell, our last chance at freedom from all of this shit around us, you're all I've got anymore. And I'm... I'm _terrified_. But not for myself. I'm afraid of losing you. Always have been. Because without you, I got no reason to hope anymore."

Ellis closed his eyes and let the tears drip down his cheeks before he turned his head and caught Nick's lips in a chaste kiss. 

He'd finally gotten his answer. 

In a world dominated by the undead and ruled by fear, all they had was each other. And they would be damned before either of them lost that.

 

Rochelle watched as Ellis took a step toward the older man, his face full of anger and defiance, "Nick, we _gotta_ get on this chopper, man! This is our last chance at makin' it outta all a this! You're _scared_ , ain't you?!" He was in the conman's face now, blue eyes burning with fierce determination, sure that he'd found the chink in Nick's armor. "Why don't you just come out and say that that's the reason you don't wanna get rescued? Nick, I ain't scared to admit I'm scared. But just because I am don't mean I'm gon' drag the rest of this group down with me like you're doin'! I saw you that night we lost Coach, man, you were nearly pissin' yourself. You're scared out of your mind that you'll end up like that, we'll lemme tell you somethin' right now, we ain't gonna get _nowhere_ if we don't try. All you gotta do is admit that you're afraid, you dumb son of a bitch."

Ellis' back hit the wall with a loud _smack!_ that had Rochelle flinching.

The news reporter watched as Nick pressed his arm into the delicate flesh of Ellis' throat, glaring daggers at the younger man with green eyes cold and hard as ice. 

"What did you just say?"

_Like Ellis could ever understand that he wasn't always looking out for himself, that he'd changed, turned into a whole other person who was completely different from the Nick that existed before the apocalypse. Like Ellis could ever see the fear in Nick's eyes any time he did something reckless or got hurt because Nick was frightened that the kid might end up just like Coach if he wasn't careful._

 _Like Ellis could ever comprehend that Nick was in love with him._


End file.
